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TPG
05-21-2013, 06:53 AM
CELEBFANFORUM PRESENTS...
HOLLYWOOD BABBLE #10
FEATURING Emma Stone, Miranda Cosgrove, and Jennette McCurdy
Created by TPG
DISCLAIMER: This fictional interview was written for entertainment purposes only.
A/N: Considering the dress Emma wore and the subjects they discussed, I just knew I had to put my spin on this interview.


"The Tonight Show with Jay Leno"
LOS ANGELES, June 5, 2012


JAY LENO:
My first guest is one of the hottest young actresses working in Hollywood today, who can be seen in "The Amazing Spiderman" which opens July 3rd. Please welcome, Emma Stone.


BAND PLAYS TO THE SOUND OF APPLAUSE


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LENO:
Wow. That's a great dress. I haven't seen you in ages.

STONE:
Why Thanks you, Jay.

LENO:
How you been? I saw you at the MTV Awards the other night, and you got some big award?

STONE:
Yeah. It was called the Trailblazer Award.

LENO:
Which means what exactly.

STONE:
Beats me. (shrugs) I have no idea. I was still thrilled though.

LENO:
Yes well, a lot of celebrities honored you that night. You must of got a kick out of that.

STONE:
Absolutely. That was great. It was really amazing actually.

LENO:
I noticed you got pretty emotional during your speech. Are you an emotional person by nature?

STONE:
Oh boy. Trust me. It's like a miracle I'm not crying right now. I'm a fucking mess Jay.

LENO:
Really? (laughing)

STONE:
Oh yeah. I'm definitely a crier...or a "screamer," as they like to say.


AUDIENCE WOOF WHISTLES


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LENO:
So do you find that your very emotional in everyday life, like at the dentist or at the doctor?

STONE:
Funny you should mention that. (looks at audience) This is a great story you guys.

LENO:
Go ahead.

STONE:
Well, about a month ago I went to this new doctor in Beverly Hills cause I heard he was kinda cute.

LENO:
(chuckling) ...that's the only reason?

STONE:
I had this sore throat, so I decided to use that as an excuse to see him for the first time and from the moment I got there I knew I was at the right place, cause without missing a beat he wanted me to undress and do an entire physical. Err. So naturally, I um...

LENO:
So wait. He wanted to give you a full physical just for a sore throat?

STONE:
Hmm. Now that I think about it. Yeah you're right. (giggles) ...that does sound a little strange.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


LENO:
Um. You know, a real doctor wouldn't make you undress for that. I'm just saying.

STONE:
No. Wait. I don't want to throw this guy under the bus, cause we did find out that I had a slight protein deficiency.

LENO:
Oh. Wow. I wonder how he cured you of that.

STONE:
...which is a very important compound y'know. So now I'm on supplements and a weekly schedule with him.


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LENO:
So you went and saw him again?

STONE:
Again? I see him like twice a week.


JAY LOOKS AT THE BAND


LENO:
Okay. So, why were you crying in his office?

STONE:
Well. I have this phobia. Actually, no. I'm lying. I had two phobias...one was a gag-reflex, and the other was anal.


AUDIENCE GASPS


LENO:
Well. That's understandable. Those are two very common fears in Hollywood.

STONE:
Sure. If you say so.

LENO:
...and what. How did this doctor help you with that?

STONE:
So apparently, weed suppresses your gag-reflex? ...and also has the added benefit of helping with the other problem too.

LENO:
Now, this is a registered doctor we're talking about right?


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


STONE:
Hey. (shrugs) It's Hollywood. Who knows. For all I know he could just be an actor posing as a physician. Either way he's really hot!

LENO:
So how did he get you stoned. Did he give you a hash cookie or something?

STONE:
Hash cookie, Jay?


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


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LENO:
I dunno. That's just the way we used to do it in my day. But go on.

STONE:
No. Well. He did trick me. He tricked me good, the bastard.


EMMA LOOKS AT AUDIENCE AND SQUIRMS


LENO:
Was it bad?

STONE:
Two words for you, Jay. Donkey Punch.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS LOUDLY


LENO:
Err. (looks at band) Am I supposed to know what that means?

STONE:
Wait. (excited) You don't know what a Donkey Punch is?

LENO:
Sorry. I guess I'm out of the loop. What is it. Is it bad?


EMMA LOOKS AT AUDIENCE AND GIGGLES


STONE:
See. They know!

LENO:
Can you describe it?

STONE:
Um. Essentially. The idea is that when you're having anal sex with a girl, you punch her in the back of the head and this causes her to clench her sphincter muscle, and in turn squeeze the penis that's inside her. It apparently feels great for the guy, but not so great for the girl...who's getting smacked in the back of the head.

LENO:
Oh my god.

STONE:
Hey. You asked. So I told you. Wait. Are you telling me you've never tried it?


AUDIENCE CHUCKLES


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LENO:
Err. No. I can't say I have. I'll have to take your word for it. But I guess that solves the mystery of you being loud in the doctor's office.

STONE:
Trust me. You have no idea. Sometimes I'm ashamed to be me. There are times I scream so loud I'm sure dogs in the next neighborhood can hear me squealing.

LENO:
I guess it's only natural when you're getting "Donkey Punched" by your doctor.

STONE:
No, but I do it all the time! Even during regular sex I just can't help myself. I scream like fucking retard. It's really stupid and embarrassing but I can't help it. I've tried everything to stop it.

LENO:
Can't you control yourself.

STONE:
I dunno Jay. I always think I can but when I find myself in the moment I lose all control. My body takes over and I end up being really vocal and dominant. I guess it's got a lot to do with the fact that I'm hyper sensitive. I mean, don't even ask what I'm like during cunnilingus. I lose my god damn mind. It's kinda hilarious.

LENO:
I bet. I guess having a sexy, raspy voice doesn't help either. Your voice probably carries far.

STONE:
Yeah. I have to admit though, most guys get into it. They like it when I carry on and talk dirty. But every once in a while I'll get some poor shlub who just lies there staring up at me with a strange expression on his face. Shocked at the transformation from girl-next-door to full porno slut in 10secs flat.

LENO:
Porno slut? (chuckling) Really?

STONE:
Uh-huh.

LENO:
Wait. Looking up at you?

STONE:
Absolutely. What can I say. I'm old fashioned that way. I love to be on top.


FEMALE AUDIENCE CHEERS


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STONE:
See. They know what I'm talking about. Right ladies?!

LENO:
So getting back to the doctor. Did he end up fixing your throat?


EMMA SMILES AT CAMERA AS AUDIENCE HECKLES HER


STONE:
Oh yeah. I guess you could say that. The only problem is, I went in there with a sore throat but left his office with an aching butt! It was kinda worth it though, cause like I said he's cured me of my gag-reflex and my phobia of backdoor fun.

LENO:
So now you're completely cured?

STONE:
Well not exactly. But you know what they say, practice makes perfect. So right now I'm seeing him twice a week until I get used to it. Which to tell you the truth is more sex than I've had in years. Not since my teen years anyway.

LENO:
And you don't feel weird about having sex with your doctor, in his office no less?

STONE:
Not at all, are you crazy. If my mom ever found out she'd be thrilled as punch that I was "romantically" involved with a physician.

LENO:
Err. You know this is being televised right?

STONE:
So?

LENO:
You realize she now knows about you and your doctor, I mean.

STONE:
Um. (looks at the camera) Hey mom!

LENO:
Speaking of sex scandals. What's your theory about all those gay rumors that are floating around the internet about you?

STONE:
There are? (sarcasm) Are you serious?


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


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LENO:
Yeah. There's this thing called the internet (sarcasm) and apparently the rumor going around is that you're actually gay but you won't admit it.

STONE:
I think that all got started a few months ago when I was filmed an appearance on the iCarly show.

LENO:
Were you asked to play a gay character or something?

STONE:
Not exactly. More of a crazed super fan. But I guess it was the way I was acting around Miranda Cosgrove that really got tongues wagging. I was literally all over her. We were totally inseparable for those 3-4 days. But what do you expect. The girl is just stunning! She has the most amazing lips I've ever felt.

LENO:
Oh. So you did sleep with her.

STONE:
Nah. Not really. But we did make out a ton of times. In fact we spent an entire afternoon just macking on each other in her trailer. It was so hot. The girl knows how to use those lips, let me tell you.

LENO:
And yet you wonder where all these rumors come from?

STONE:
Well. It's not like I ate her out or anything, even though I wished she'd let me.

LENO:
I think we have a photo.



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LENO:
She didn't have sex with you? ...why not?

STONE:
I dunno. I guess you'll have to ask her. I tried. Believe me when I tell you I tried everything. But she just wouldn't go all the way.

LENO:
That must have been really frustrating.

STONE:
You have no idea. By the time I got home that afternoon I was so worked up I masturbated like 3 times! I didn't even need to use my vibrator either. Just my fingers.

LENO:
Wow. And so you didn't end up getting lucky on the set.

STONE:
Well. I wouldn't say that. Fortunately for me she does have a sexy little co-star in the form of a one Jennette McCurdy. And let's just say we came to an understanding...and I essentially took out all my "Carly Shay" frustrations on her.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


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LENO:
What do you mean. Are you two dating now?

STONE:
Not exactly. We just have a great relationship where whenever I'm in town I give her a call and we hook up for a booty call.

LENO:
And yet you're surprised that people claim you're gay. (laughing)

STONE:
Well. I'm not gay-gay. I'd say I'm probably more "bi-sexual" or maybe even "bi-curious" Jay. There's a big difference. All depends on what mood I'm in.


AUDIENCE APPLAUDS


LENO:
Wow. Well, hope it all works out for you. "The Amazing Spiderman" opens on July 3rd. Emma, good to see you my friend.

STONE:
Thanks. Go see my movie!


FADE TO COMMERCIAL



PREVIOUS EPISODE (http://www.celebfanforum.com/showthread.php?123490-Hollywood-Babble-9-with-Jennifer-Love-Hewitt) | NEXT EPISODE (http://www.celebfanforum.com/showthread.php?128538-Hollywood-Babble-11-with-Chloe-Moretz)

X42
05-21-2013, 04:05 PM
I, for one, loved it. Another great episode in the incredible series. Just like you said TPG, I wish they (Late Night Show/Interviews) were like this as well. It's so much more entertaining, well done.