Hollywood Babble #9 with Jennifer Love Hewitt

CELEBFANFORUM PRESENTS...
HOLLYWOOD BABBLE #9
FEATURING Jennifer Love Hewitt
Created by TPG
DISCLAIMER: This fictional interview was written for entertainment purposes only


"Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson"
LOS ANGELES, May 23, 2012


CRAIG FERGUSON:
My first guest stars on the hit show The Client List, which airs on Sunday nights on the lifetime channel. Please welcome the adorable Jennifer Love Hewitt.


SOUNDTRACK PLAYS TO THE SOUND OF APPLAUSE


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FERGUSON:
Hey. I haven't seen you in ages.

JLH:
I know. It's really nice to see you.

FERGUSON:
No. It's lovely to see you. (glances at her cleavage) Trust me it's better for me - let me tell you.


JENNIFER GIGGLES


FERGUSON:
You look great tonight by the way. Quite um...Healthy.

JLH:
Why thank you. I feel healthy.

FERGUSON:
Quite healthy indeed. (looks at her cleavage again) Have you been working out lately?


AUDIENCE SNICKERS


JLH:
I have actually. A lot.

FERGUSON:
Yeah I bet. Because in this new show you're in you take off your clothes quite a bit.

JLH:
Constantly. Yes.

FERGUSON:
By the way. I was wondering if you had a DVD copy of the show you could lend me?

JLH:
Yes I do actually. (giggling)

FERGUSON:
I'd quite like to see it... (stops mid-sentence) You know Jen. I'm actually having trouble right now.

JLH:
Oh? (fakes ignorance)


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FERGUSON:
I'm having trouble keeping my eyes off one place in particular [referring to her tits].

JLH:
Really. Why's that?

FERGUSON:
I err...they keep falling to your chest. (blushing)


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


FERGUSON:
I mean I haven't seen you in so long - and right now I'm not even looking at you at all.


JENNIFER LAUGHS LOUDLY


JLH:
Well. At least you're honest.

FERGUSON:
So anyways. Enough of that. What's the story with this new show. You play a sex worker or something?

JLH:
Ah. Yes. I play a... "Happy Ending" specialist. If you will.

FERGUSON:
Wow.

JLH:
Yeah. Classy. Right?

FERGUSON:
No. Err. I think it's an essential...service.


JENNIFER LAUGHS AGAIN


JLH:
Yeah I bet you do. But it really is.

FERGUSON:
So let me ask you. Did you do any research for this role?

JLH:
Err. What do you think?


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FERGUSON:
I dunno! I mean I imagine you did. Well. I'd like to think you did.


AUDIENCE WHISTLES


JLH:
Hmm. I should probably say no but we both know I'd be lying.

FERGUSON:
So. What was it like. Was it difficult?

JLH:
No. Not at all. Well. Depends on what part you're talking about.

FERGUSON:
So I assume you did this "work experience" locally.

JLH:
Well. A little here and a little there. In fact most of my time was spent between LA and Las Vegas.

FERGUSON:
Oh really.

JLH:
Absolutely. I figure if I was going to learn the ropes on how to give a great "Happy Ending" (among other things) I'd learn from the best in the world - and out there in Sin City they don't mess around.

FERGUSON:
Wow. So how long were you out there for?

JLH:
Well. I wanted to make sure I was doing the role justice. So it probably turned out to be around three to four months.

FERGUSON:
Wait. Did you write this show?

JLH:
Err. No. (giggles) Can you imagine... "Dum-De-Dum-Da...Riley gives him a happy ending and he shoots his load all over her chest - end scene." No. Someone else is writing it. I'm just doing it.


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FERGUSON:
Well hey. You're doing a fine job that's for sure. You're pretty much got us all glued to the TV, so to speak.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


JLH:
Why thank you...I think?

FERGUSON:
Can I ask you though. Do you ever get embarrassed getting naked and doing those sex scenes in front of all the cast and crew on the set?

JLH:
What do you mean?

FERGUSON:
What I mean is - getting undressed in front of all those men - the crew members on the show.

JLH:
Not really. I mean I was a little shy in the beginning but now I love being naked. Although it is a little intimidating to perform some of those intimate acts with all of them standing around the room watching and judging. I much rather work in Vegas behind closed doors - and get paid extra for my troubles.

FERGUSON:
Really? So you did "practice" in Vegas. Just how many clients do you have there.

JLH:
A few. (giggles) More than enough.

FERGUSON:
Enough for what exactly?

JLH:
Enough to make some decent money.

FERGUSON:
Like what are we talking. Enough to buy a nice watch or a sexy necklace?


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


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JLH:
Let's just put it this way. I bought a new car for myself last month. Something I've had my eye on for quite some time.

FERGUSON:
Nice. Anything sporty?

JLH:
How does a brand new Bentley sound.


CRAIG LOOKS AT THE CAMERA


FERGUSON:
You actually bought yourself a Bentley from working part time at a massage parlor.

JLH:
Well. It's more of a gentleman's club but sure. Okay. Let's go with that.

FERGUSON:
Geez. And you're still acting because?


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


JLH:
Hey. I figure this is Hollywood so I might as well play a hooker on TV too - and get paid twice.

FERGUSON:
Nice thinking. I like the way your brain thinks young lady.


AUDIENCE APPLAUDS


JLH:
Well. I do what I can.

FERGUSON:
So getting back to your gig in Vegas. How many clients did you have exactly?

JLH:
Why. Are you thinking about starting a new career.


AUDIENCE SNICKERS


FERGUSON:
No. I'm just curious how it all works. I mean how many men would you see in a single day?

JLH:
All depends. Sometimes three, sometimes four. Sometimes more.

FERGUSON:
And you're intimate with every single one of them?

JLH:
No. Not at all. They're all different. They all want different things - be it a handjob or a amateur strip show, or mutual masturbation even.


CRAIG LOOKS AT THE CAMERA AND GRINS AWKWARDLY


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JLH:
Wait. Now that I think about it I guess you're right. (looks down at her own breasts) They did all want the same thing.

FERGUSON:
Ah. No wonder we're so popular.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


JLH:
I guess you're right. I guess you could say I've always been "popular" since I got these in my late teens. Guys are just so obvious about things like that.

FERGUSON:
Well yeah! In a dress like that I can see why!


JENNIFER APPEARS SURPRISED BY HIS AGGRESSIVE DEMEANOR


JLH:
Whoa. Why are you yelling at me.

FERGUSON:
Oh. Am I? (grins) I'm Sorry. I guess you've got me all riled up.

JLH:
You wouldn't be the first. Although I've never had any complaints. Especially at home since I like to walk around naked.

FERGUSON:
You do?

JLH:
Sure. I'm kind of a nudist that way. Always have been. I'm definitely comfortable in my skin.

FERGUSON:
Obviously. Can I come over one day. Like I said I really love your dress tonight.


JENNIFER LAUGHS


JLH:
Pfft. This is nothing. You should see some of the outfits they make me wear on the show.

FERGUSON:
Oh really? (leans forward) Go on. I'm listening.


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JLH:
(giggles) In recent weeks I've been dressed up as a schoolgirl, a naughty nurse, and even a sexy judge.

FERGUSON:
Oh. (joking) What about a dominatrix?


AUDIENCE CHUCKLES


JLH:
Hmm. You like that sort of thing do you Craig?

FERGUSON:
Not really. But if you were to get all dressed up in that garb I think I could get into it. Sure.

JLH:
Hmm. Interesting. I'll remember that for next time. Nothing like a little leather and lace.

FERGUSON:
So. Have you ever had a famous person come into the gentleman's club?


JENNIFER SUDDENLY BLUSHES


FERGUSON:
Oh you have. I know that look.

JLH:
Let's just say it makes things super awkward on the red carpet.

FERGUSON:
Yeah I bet. Especially if you've seen their junk and downstairs department.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


FERGUSON:
Let me ask you. What's the kinkiest thing you've ever had to do in that place?

JLH:
Well. I don't know about "kinky" but I once had a guy come in who only wanted to play with my breasts for two whole hours.


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FERGUSON:
And he got off on that?

JLH:
Well. Yeah. He had sex with my breasts the entire time and came three times. It was actually pretty impressive.

FERGUSON:
I think they have a name for that.

JLH:
Yeah. They do. And I've definitely had my fare share of "pearl necklaces" in the last few months. More than I can count.

FERGUSON:
(laughing) Is that what they call that?

JLH:
Absolutely. I guess you could say it's my speciality.

FERGUSON:
Well what do you expect. You've definitely been blessed in the upstairs department Jen.

JLH:
I know. I know. But it would be nice if some guy spent some time on my ass or the rest of my body for that matter. God knows I've been working out like crazy lately, and my breasts do nothing but sit here. After a while you get sick of wiping down spunk from you chest and neck region, you know what I mean?

FERGUSON:
Err. I don't. But I'll take your word for it. Okay. So let me ask you. What is the most favorite part of your body?

JLH:
Honestly. I know most people would expect me to say my breasts - cause let's face it - they keep me employed year after year. But in truth my favorite body part is probably my legs.


JENNIFER RAISES HER FEET TO SHOW OFF HER GOLD HEELS AND SHINY LEGS


FERGUSON:
Oh. I see.

JLH:
Let's just say I've been known to rock some hot 6inch Stilettos in my day.


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FERGUSON:
Aren't you like 5'2.

JLH:
Exactly. So I need all the help I can get. Not that it's really an issue since most guys are hypnotized by my chest from the moment they meet me.

FERGUSON:
Sorry. What? (Craig is distracted by her jiggling tits as she speaks) [proving her point]

JLH:
Hey. Don't make me come over there and give you a Turkish Snow Cone.

FERGUSON:
(laughing) A what-and-what?

JLH:
Um. (looks at camera) Can I say what it means?

FERGUSON:
No. By all means. I think we really want to know now. Don't worry about them (waves at the camera) We can just edit all this stuff out later. So go on.

JLH:
Well. A Turkish Snow Cone is when you wrap your hand around your boner and whack off (to my tits) and let the your load bubble up like a volcano in your fist - and make the girl lick or suck it out of your hand like a snow-cone.


CRAIG LOOKS AT THE CAMERA


JLH:
Is that too much information? (giggling)


AUDIENCE CHEERS LOUDLY


JLH:
Well. Is that something you might be interested in?

FERGUSON:
With you? Sure. (grinning) See me after the show.

JLH:
Hey Mister. You know I will. It wouldn't be the first time. Although nowadays I do prefer an audience.

FERGUSON:
Clearly. But I'm sure something can be arranged.


CRAIG TURNS TOWARDS THE CAMERA


FERGUSON:
Will you all please thank my special guest for this evening...the lovely Ms. Jennifer Love Hewitt!


FADE TO COMMERCIAL







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I love this series. Seriously it's still great, nine episodes in and I still can't get enough of it, because it works so well. Different girl each time, each of whom so far you continue to make great selections. Then you manage to interweave your own writing into the interview so well that it flows like it was real. Bottom line: I'm a fan and I'm looking forward to the next episode!