Hollywood Babble #6 with Scarlett Johansson

CELEBFANFORUM PRESENTS...
HOLLYWOOD BABBLE #6
FEATURING Scarlett Johansson
Created by TPG
DISCLAIMER: This fictional interview was written for entertainment purposes only.
A/N: Happened to catch this interview the other night and knew I had to turn it into a Hollywood Babble chapter.


"Late Show with David Letterman"
NEW YORK, November 21, 2012


DAVID LETTERMAN:
Our first guest is a beautiful woman and a talented actress, and will be starring in a new film entitled "Hitchcock" which opens this Friday. Ladies and Gentleman here she is, the always delightful Scarlett Johansson.


BAND PLAYS TO THE SOUND OF APPLAUSE


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LETTERMAN:
Thank you very much for being here. Good to see you. You look lovely.

JOHANSSON:
Thanks Dave. Glad to be here.

LETTERMAN:
Can I just say you look fantastic. You always look fantastic when you come visit us.

JOHANSSON:
Aw. Thanks. Thank you very much.

LETTERMAN:
And for all you young people out there just starting out in the business. This is the way you dress when you're on a talk show.


AUDIENCE APPLAUDS


JOHANSSON:
Wow. (blushing)

LETTERMAN:
I don't mean to embarrass you, but you just look like a million bucks tonight.

JOHANSSON:
Gee. Now I feel guilty about not wearing any underwear under this dress.


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LETTERMAN:
Wait. Really.

JOHANSSON:
Yep. We had a little drama backstage before I got changed into this dress. So right now I'm not wearing any panties or a bra for that matter. It's strangely liberating actually. I hope you don't mind.


DAVE LOOKS AT THE CAMERA


LETTERMAN:
Not at all. Whatever makes you comfortable.

JOHANSSON:
Great. Cause it feels kinda nice right now. In fact I might leave this dress on afterwards and hit up one of the local bars.

LETTERMAN:
Now Scarlett. We've got so many things to talk to you about. So how about we start with that whole naked photo scandal last year.

JOHNASSON:
Oh. Wow. Really? Right out of the gate. You sure don't waste time.

LETTERMAN:
Might as well get it out of the way don't you think?

JOHNASSON:
Sure. Why not.


DAVE HOLDS UP A CARD WITH THE PHOTO


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LETTERMAN:
Now. When I first saw this photo I almost fell out of my chair. What were you thinking?


AUDIENCE WOOF WHISTLES


JOHANSSON:
That's the problem. I wasn't thinking. I was actually sending it to a friend but his phone apparently got "hacked" and the next thing I know the photo was all over the internet.

LETTERMAN:
Really. You just decided to send some guy a photo of your naked body?

JOHANSSON:
Well. (blushing) It's a long story.

LETTERMAN:
If that's the case, where do I sign up for that newsletter?

(Bass Guitar Sound Effect)


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


LETTERMAN:
But seriously. You felt comfortable doing that?

JOHANSSON:
Well like I said it's a long story. But he had been sending me pictures of his junk all day. So I figured it was only fair.


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LETTERMAN:
Wow. Really. I think you might need to find some new friends.

JOHANSSON:
Actually he's a friend of the families.

LETTERMAN:
Yikes. Okay. This is getting weird. So I notice this tattoo you have on your arm?

JOHANSSON:
Um. Yep. I got that a while ago.

LETTERMAN:
Do you remember the events surrounding it?


SCARLETT LOOKS AT DAVE SUSPICIOUSLY


JOHANSSON:
Yeah. Why. What are you getting at?

LETTERMAN:
Nothing. Really. I just figured there'd be a good story behind it since most times people get a tattoo they're usually drunk. (looks at audience) Am I right people!


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


JOHANSSON:
Well to be honest I don't really remember much about that night. I just remember bits and pieces. The good parts.

LETTERMAN:
Like what exactly?

JOHANSSON:
Well for one it was during a very turbulent time in my life and on top of everything else I was going through a very messy break up. So as you do, I got drunk and found myself out in the middle of nowhere.

LETTERMAN:
Like where?


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JOHANSSON:
Like Hastings, Nebraska.

LETTERMAN:
Wow. Well that's no good. How did you get all the way out there. Please tell me you weren't driving around all by yourself?


SCARLETT GRINS


JOHANSSON:
So anyway, I stumbled across this small tattoo shop just outside of town and went inside and found this guy working the counter who looked really cute. I figured since I was drunk anyways I might as well get some ink work done.

LETTERMAN:
And did this guy recognize you at all?

JOHANSSON:
Absolutely. He was so sweet too. He was really nervous around me. But that soon changed.

LETTERMAN:
What do you mean. What did you do?

JOHANSSON:
Well the problem was I only realized I didn't have any money with me when he was almost finished with my tattoo.


AUDIENCE GASPS


LETTERMAN:
God. (snickers) So what did you do?

JOHANSSON:
So after several minutes of negotiating we finally came to an "arrangement" so to speak.

LETTERMAN:
So you slept with him?

JOHANSSON:
Well. No, Dave. I didn't "sleep" with him...I fucked him.


AUDIENCE WHISTLES


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LETTERMAN:
There's a difference?

JOHANSSON:
Yes. There is. In fact I was so drunk that I ended up fucking him and his friend in the backroom who was working on some artwork. The guy heard us having sex in the front of the office and stood there and watched us for several minutes. So I finally invited him to join us.

LETTERMAN:
Wow.


DAVE STARTS TO CLAP INVITING THE AUDIENCE TO GIVE HER A ROUND OF APPLAUSE


JOHANSSON:
It was actually quite fun. To this day I always smile when I look at my tattoo. Because it reminds me of that crazy hot night. It was also the first time I had ever had a real threesome.

LETTERMAN:
As opposed to what exactly?

JOHANSSON:
By that I mean me with two guys. Most of the times I've been involved in a three-way its always me with another girl but this time I had them all to myself. I was finally the center of attention. The way I like it.

LETTERMAN:
So you really enjoyed the experience.

JOHNASSON:
Absolutely. In fact I enjoyed it so much that a few months later I got another tattoo, but this time in LA.

LETTERMAN:
Were you drunk again?


SCARLETT SMILES


JOHANSSON:
What can I say, Dave. I have a weakness for Wild Turkey.


AUDIENCE CHEERS


LETTERMAN:
Wow. (laughs) At least your honest.


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JOHANSSON:
Let's just say I had a real drinking problem in the past.

LETTERMAN:
Not any more?

JOHANSSON:
The scary part is, technically I don't even drink. What I mean is I never touch the stuff normally but every so often when I'm feeling down or just want to break loose I guess you could say that I make up for lost time and binge drink.

LETTERMAN:
And how did that second tattoo work out for you?

JOHANSSON:
Well as it turns out I didn't have money that night either.

LETTERMAN:
Geez. Someone needs to keep you away from Wild Turkey and Tattoo Parlor's when you drink.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


LETTERMAN:
So did you sleep your way out of that Dilemma too?

JOHANSSON:
Actually, no. That time I just blew him.


AUDIENCE APPLAUDS


LETTERMAN:
So I understand you got a new tattoo recently.

JOHANSSON:
Yes. Yes I did.


DAVE HOLDS UP A PHOTO OF HER HORSE-SHOE TATTOO


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JOHANSSON:
Look. Haven't you ever wanted to just blow off some steam?

LETTERMAN:
Oh. Absolutely. Please. Don't misconstrue what I'm saying. I'm not judging you or anything like that. I just find it fascinating. What was the motivation behind this latest one?

JOHANSSON:
Well. It's simple. I was feeling bored and kind of randy, so I had a few drinks and went into East Village to get some ink.

LETTERMAN:
This time did you at least have a design in mind?

JOHANSSON:
As usual, no. (grinning) But I did make some new "friends" there.


DAVE LOOKS AT THE CAMERA IN DISBELIEF


JOHANSSON:
What can I say. I make friends easily.

LETTERMAN:
Evidently.


SCARLETT LOOKS AT THE AUDIENCE AND SHRUGS


LETTERMAN:
Call me crazy and feel free not to answer this. But screwing around like you do, don't you ever worry about catching something?

JOHANSSON:
Not at all. I get tested every six months or so.


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LETTERMAN:
I see.

JOHANSSON:
In Hollywood you can never be too careful. Everyone sleeps with everyone and I guess you could say I like to have fun. Spontaneous fun, if you haven't noticed.

LETTERMAN:
Hey. Whatever makes you happy.

JOHANSSON:
Besides. It's times like that that I usually get inspired.

LETTERMAN:
What times?

JOHANSSON:
When I'm getting passed around by a group of cute strangers. That's when I come up with all kinds of bright ideas and that night the boys and I came up with the whole "Lucky You" concept.

LETTERMAN:
Really. How so?

JOHANSSON:
Well it was while I was getting DP'ed that one of the other guys in the room mentioned how lucky it was that his friend was getting a blowjob from me at the same time. We all laughed and thought it was funny and hence the tattoo was born.

LETTERMAN:
Now wait a minute. What does "DP" mean?

JOHANSSON:
Double Penetration. Jesus, Dave. Don't you go on the internet.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


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LETTERMAN:
Well. I. No. I don't really have time for that.

JOHANSSON:
You should. The internet is a wonderful thing. There's just so much free porn out there it's really fun.


AUDIENCE APPLAUDS


LETTERMAN:
Well I'll take your word for it. So I understand you're coming back to Broadway?

JOHANSSON:
Yes. I'm coming back to Broadway with "Cat On a Hot Tin Roof" which opens next week.

LETTERMAN:
That's a lot of work isn't it?

JOHANSSON:
Yes it is. A lot of work. It's like a regular nine to five job almost, only with a lot more emotional abuse.

LETTERMAN:
I guess Film and Theater are two different forms of acting.

JOHANSSON:
Yes they are. Unfortunately casting is still the same no matter where you go in the industry.

LETTERMAN:
Oh. Is that something that bothers you?

JOHANSSON:
Let's just say I probably deserve a fucking Oscar just for the amount of times I've been on my knees in some private audition, working over the casting agent and or director.


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LETTERMAN:
Uh-Huh. Uh-Huh.

(Scarlett interrupts Dave mid thought)

JOHANSSON:
But I mean with lips like these, it guess it's only inevitable right?

LETTERMAN:
I guess so. Does that whole process annoy you?

JOHANSSON:
What giving a blow job? Trust me Dave, there's nothing to it. I'm a total pro at this point.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


LETTERMAN:
No what I mean is, there must be a huge difference between doing something live and doing something in front of the camera, cause that's a permanent record so to speak.

JOHANSSON:
Well I'm obviously not camera shy. (grins) But seriously, they're two totally different animals.

LETTERMAN:
So is performing live for people more terrifying or is it better to do it in front of a camera.

JOHANSSON:
Um. To be honestly I definitely get a kick out of doing something live and in the moment than I do working on film. Especially when the adrenaline is pumping and you realize so many people are watching you, and undressing you with their eyes.

LETTERMAN:
Well. Who can blame them for god sake.


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JOHANSSON:
It really is exciting though. And I guess I'd be lying if I said it didn't get me a little wet.

LETTERMAN:
Really?

JOHANSSON:
Absolutely. I'm definitely what you would call an exhibitionist, Dave. I get off on people watching me. In fact sometimes the thrill of being watched turns me on more than the act of sex itself.

LETTERMAN:
That can't possibly be true.


AUDIENCE SNICKERS


JOHANSSON:
No seriously. Sometimes I just prefer someone watching me, and that really gets me off. In fact most nights I go home and rub one out thinking about some of the people in the audience. It really turns me on to know they want me...but can't have me.

LETTERMAN:
So that's your real motivation behind getting back on Broadway...masturbation?

JOHANSSON:
Yeah well. I'm a single girl now, Dave. Whatever floats your boat and gets your rocks off I guess.

LETTERMAN:
Is that normal. Have you thought about talking to a shrink about it?

JOHANSSON:
Yes I have. But instead I bought a vibrator and I use that as my "outlet."


AUDIENCE WHISTLES


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LETTERMAN:
I see.

JOHANSSON:
You'd be amazed at how incredibly uplifting a few rounds with my toy can be.

LETTERMAN:
Once again I think I'll take your word for it.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


JOHANSSON:
Wait what. No. Not for YOU to use. (giggles) But for you to watch.

LETTERMAN:
Oh. Oh! Really?

JOHANSSON:
I told you. I'm an exhibitionist, Dave. What part of "Attention Whore" don't you get.

(Dave looks at the audience)

LETTERMAN:
Well here she is everybody. Scarlett Johansson. Thank you Scarlett. Enjoy the Holidays.


FADE TO COMMERCIAL




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I continue to absolutely love this series. another great episode TPG, my applause to you. Seriously i really enjoy these, they can be so hot and you continue to make them unique while following the basics that makes this series what it is. in other words, great job. keep it up.

Thanks X42. Yeah they're fun to write.

I just love the idea/fantasy of these girls confessing to all sorts of sordid shit in their interviews. I think if they did it this way those appearances would be about 1000 times more interesting instead of the usual bullshit "talking points" they all seem to go to.

Funny how no matter how pure they try to keep it, I still manage to pervert it up when I watch them. lol