Hollywood Babble #11 with Chloë Grace Moretz
CELEBFANFORUM PRESENTS...
HOLLYWOOD BABBLE #11
FEATURING Chloë Grace Moretz
Created by TPG
DISCLAIMER: This fictional interview was written for entertainment purposes only.
A/N: Came across this little episode and decided to put my spin on it.
"The Late Show with David Letterman"
New York City, May 3, 2012
DAVID LETTERMAN:
Our next guest is a talented young actress who stars in a brand new film entitled "Dark Shadows" which opens May 11. Ladies and Gentleman will please help me welcome, the lovely Chloe Grace Moretz. Oh, Chloe!
BAND PLAYS TO THE SOUND OF APPLAUSE
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LETTERMAN:
How you doing.
MORETZ:
Hi. I'm good. How are you doing.
LETTERMAN:
Says here you have four older brothers. May I ask how old you are. Let me guess, you're just a kid right.
MORETZ:
Err. Yes. I'm a child (sarcasm)
LETTERMAN:
But you've been acting for quite a while correct?
MORETZ:
Yeah. I started acting when I was five. Which was just over ten years ago.
AUDIENCE APPLAUSE
LETTERMAN:
Wow. What was your first gig. Do you remember?
MORETZ:
Well the first official role I had was in a movie called "The Amityville Horror."
LETTERMAN:
So you started off in a pretty big movie.
MORETZ:
Yeah. I guess.
LETTERMAN:
And what do the older brothers do, do they act as well?
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MORETZ:
Um. Well. My brother Trevor is my acting coach and then we have a writer, a business manager, and a college student.
LETTERMAN:
And what was is like growing up around four older brothers.
MORETZ:
Hard. Um. Real hard. It was a total sausage-fest Dave. An entire house filled with cock.
AUDIENCE SNICKERS
LETTERMAN:
Wow. Did they beat you up when you were a kid.
MORETZ:
Yeah. Constantly.
LETTERMAN:
Do they still beat you up?
MORETZ:
Yeah, they do. Well. Now it's about different stuff than it used to be...you know, boys and stuff.
LETTERMAN:
I see. So are they worried about guys coming around the house, is that the deal?
MORETZ:
Um. A little bit. Yeah. I guess. (grinning widely) I mean I have a bunch of guy friends, and if I mention their names my brothers kinda freak out and give me the third degree.
LETTERMAN:
Yep. Have they actually run a guy off the property.
MORETZ:
Err. No. Not that I can think of.
LETTERMAN:
But that'd be kind of fun right?
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AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MORETZ:
Um. Yeah. Now that I think about it. Could be.
LETTERMAN:
Could be kind of fun to see them beat some guy to death.
MORETZ:
Um. Okay? (giggling) Yeah. That hasn't happened quite yet, although there have definitely been a few close calls.
LETTERMAN:
Oh really. How so.
MORETZ:
Well. I've almost been caught sneaking guys into my bedroom a few times, during the night.
LETTERMAN:
Really. You just bring them up through the house.
MORETZ:
Nah. Most of the time they climb through my bedroom window.
LETTERMAN:
Wow. Even with four older brothers they have the nerve to sneak into your bedroom at night?
MORETZ:
What can I say Dave. I'm worth it. (grinning) I try to make it worth their while.
AUDIENCE WOOF WHISTLES
LETTERMAN:
How many guys have you had in your room at night?
MORETZ:
At once, or all together?
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LETTERMAN:
At once, at the same time.
MORETZ:
At once. I've had like three guys in my room.
LETTERMAN:
At night. After midnight.
MORETZ:
Sure.
LETTERMAN:
And you've never been caught.
MORETZ:
Yeah. Usually we're pretty quite but just the other week we almost got caught cause one of the guys wouldn't stop laughing and it was freaking me out.
LETTERMAN:
Laughing?
MORETZ:
Yeah. They were really stoned.
LETTERMAN:
Stoned? Just how old are these boys.
MORETZ:
Just a few years older than me, about 18 or 19-years-old. They're really nice guys, but huge pot heads. And once they get stoned they sit and laugh a lot and make fun of me.
LETTERMAN:
Wow. Well you shouldn't be hanging around with those kind of boys anyway.
MORETZ:
Oh Come on. I'm not a fucking baby Dave.
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AUDIENCE LAUGHS
LETTERMAN:
So you have a lot of guys visit you at night.
MORETZ:
Yeah. My brothers say I have boys on the brain. They're probably right. Little do they know I have boys in my bed too.
LETTERMAN:
And what exactly do you do with these boys at night. Just sit around and smoke weed?
MORETZ:
Err. Not exactly. Depends on the guys. Depends if I have a crush on them.
LETTERMAN:
So you make out. Is that what you do. You make out with them?
MORETZ:
In the very least. (smiling) Sometimes a lot more.
DAVE LOOKS AT CAMERA
LETTERMAN:
You know, I don't really know you that well...but just sitting here talking to you I see you're a very flirtatious person. Has anyone ever told you that before.
MORETZ:
Err. Yeah. All the time. What's wrong Dave. Am I making you feel uncomfortable.
LETTERMAN:
A little. Yes.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
LETTERMAN:
Let me ask you. Speaking of boyfriends. What's the oldest guys you've ever dated.
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MORETZ:
Why, are you interested in "dating" me Dave?
LETTERMAN:
No. I'm just wondering.
MORETZ:
Well. That all depends. If we're talking dating or just one night stands...sex or foreplay.
LETTERMAN:
Everything. All of it. What's the oldest guy you've been with.
MORETZ:
Well. I was briefly dating this guy a few months ago who was 25.
AUDIENCE GASPS
LETTERMAN:
Gawd. Really. For Pete-sake.
MORETZ:
Uh-Huh. And that was pretty interesting cause aside from his age he seemed to have a foot fetish as well. But if we're just talking about one night stands, the oldest guy I've ever had sex with was in his late forties.
LETTERMAN:
Seriously?
MORETZ:
Absolutely. I don't discriminate Dave. Besides, I kind of have a thing for older men. (winks) They seem to know what they're doing.
LETTERMAN:
And what exactly do you do with all these...older men.
MORETZ:
Well. Sometimes we don't have sex. Mostly we just fool around.
LETTERMAN:
What's your definition of "fooling" around.
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MORETZ:
You know fun...blowjobs mainly. I love giving head.
AUDIENCE GASPS THEN APPLAUDS
LETTERMAN:
You love giving head?
MORETZ:
Hell yeah I do. At least 2-3 times a day someone makes a snide comment or reference about my lips. Some even say I was born to suck cock. What do you think?
LETTERMAN:
Well...I don't know about that.
MORETZ:
Me either. All I do know is practice makes perfect.
LETTERMAN:
Wow. So I assume its something you like to do often?
AUDIENCE MURMURS
MORETZ:
Uh-Huh. Absolutely. Oh come on! This really can't be all that shocking can it? What were you like when you were my age.
LETTERMAN:
Don't ask. (fidgets nervously) So Listen, you're fifteen. Do you drive, or plan to drive soon?
MORETZ:
Err. Yeah! I get my permit in August. But my mom isn't thrilled about me getting my license. She thinks that the moment I get behind the wheel I'll drive over to my friends place and get gangbanged or something.
LETTERMAN:
Oh she does, does she. I wonder what gave her that idea.
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MORETZ:
Yeah. I know it's bad. I can't help it though. I probably think about boys 24/7. Hell, if I wasn't sitting here with you right now I'd probably be at home texting my friends and playing with myself.
LETTERMAN:
Well I guess that's what teenagers do nowadays, right?
MORETZ:
Actually, the last few months I've been taking driving lessons by myself. One of the guys I know has this really cool Escalade. So every few days we meet up and go for a drive and then find a nice secluded area to park...and he lets me practice driving "stick."
DAVE LOOKS AT CAMERA
LETTERMAN:
Is this one of your boyfriends we're talking about?
MORETZ:
No. (giggles) He's just a friend...with benefits I guess.
LETTERMAN:
And he's happy to hand you over the keys to his truck.
MORETZ:
Well he's not "happy" about it, but I usually persuade him to hand them over if you catch my drift.
LETTERMAN:
What do you mean?
CHLOE LOOKS AT AUDIENCE AND ROLLS EYES
MORETZ:
I suck his dick, Dave. That, or I let him finger me for a few minutes which usually puts him in a real good mood. Hell, it's not even his car...belongs to his wife.
LETTERMAN:
And you're fine with that, the fact that he's a married man?
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MORETZ:
Well, yeah. As long as we don't make a mess we're fine. We'll never get caught. Which considering how excited he can get sometimes is a miracle in itself. Lucky for him I like to swallow.
LETTERMAN:
And if you don't mind me asking, how old is this guy?
MORETZ:
I think he's Thirty-Eight or Thirty-Nine maybe? Not sure. Don't really care to be honest. I just love his truck. And he's totally loaded too which is a bonus. He gives me money whenever we hook up and we can talk about anything. In fact he bought me these shoes...and the panties I'm wearing underneath this dress right now.
DAVE ATTEMPTS TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT
LETTERMAN:
So...Chloe. How's the acting thing coming along.
MORETZ:
It's going great. I'm landing a lot of auditions lately.
LETTERMAN:
I guess dating all these older man is good practice for the Hollywood casting couch.
MORETZ:
Yeah. Definitely. (giggles) I get hit on by older guys so many times its ridiculous.
LETTERAN:
Now be careful. You don't want to get a reputation.
MORETZ:
Ha. I'm an actress. That's what we do. If we're not sleeping with the director we're flirting or getting naked for casting agents. It comes with the territory. It's part of the fun.
LETTERMAN:
If you say so.
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MORETZ:
Besides. No one in the industry ever suffered from being promiscuous. (flirtatious smile) Just look at Scarlett Johansson or Blake Lively. They've just about slept with everyone in the business at this point.
LETTERMAN:
Let me ask you. Do you have any role models. Anyone you look up to in the business?
MORETZ:
Absolutely. I love Miley Cyrus...and Britney Spears is another favorite.
AUDIENCE SNICKERS
LETTERMAN:
Wow. Those are your role models? (frowning) I think I'm beginning to see what the problem here is.
MORETZ:
Hey. (grinning) Don't even think about bad mouthing Britney. She's my hero.
LETTERMAN:
Have you met either one of the ladies before?
MORETZ:
Not in person. But Miley did send me over a really cool birthday present last year.
LETTERMAN:
Oh. What was it, Jewellery or something?
MORETZ:
A vibrator! It's my most prized possession. I love that thing. And the fact that it once belonged to her really turns me on.
LETTERMAN:
Wait. Now wait a minute. She gave you one of her very own used sex toys?
MORETZ:
Yeah. It's like this unofficial tradition. The toy once belonged to Natalie Portman, who gave it to Britney Spears, who handed it down to Miley, who in turn passed it on to me. I was like totally honored when Miley explained the back story to me.
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LETTERMAN:
My god. And it still works?
MORETZ:
God yes! At one point I used it so much I had to replace the batteries. It's fine though, cause Hilary Duff promised she was going to buy me a better one for Christmas this year and start our own little tradition. I can't wait.
DAVE LOOKS AT AUDIENCE
LETTERMAN:
So I guess you could say you're pretty close with those girls...your contemporaries.
MORETZ:
Sure. You could say that. Even though we haven't really hung out together.
LETTERMAN:
Oh-Oh. Is that right? (leans forward) I take that back then.
MORETZ:
No. You're right. I'm pretty close with Britney and Miley. After all we probably call each other up like three times a week and screw around on the phone.
LETTERMAN:
You screw around?
MORETZ:
You know. Phone sex.
LETTERMAN:
Really.
MORETZ:
Yep. It's kinda cheesy I know, but I really can't go to sleep unless I hear Britney's voice nowadays. Besides, she's got such a wicked imagination. Granted, she's usually high-as-fuck when she calls, but she sounds so sexy over the phone.
LETTERMAN:
Like what. What are some of the things you guys like to talk about.
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MORETZ:
Usually we just like to role-play and talk about the things we'd love to do to each other. Sometimes she tells me about her experiences in the music industry and all the fun she's had. Did you know that Christina Aguilera was the first girl she ever went down on, back when they were both on the Mickey Mouse club. Apparently, she and Christina and Keri Russell used to get it on all the time.
DAVE LOOKS AT CAMERA
LETTERMAN:
So is that an arrangement you only have with Britney Spears? ...the late night phone calls I mean.
MORETZ:
Nah. It's with Miley too. I'm kinda blessed that way. I remember a few nights ago I actually had both of them call me up in the middle of the night to talk dirty to me. It was pretty hot. I hadn't cum like that in ages. I slept like a baby the next day.
LETTERMAN:
Now wait a minute. Are you sure these girls aren't being a bad influence on you.
MORETZ:
As opposed to what Dave. It's not like I'm sleeping around or doing drugs. We're just calling each other up and enjoying a little mutual masturbation. It's nothing new. Hell if Selena Gomez and Victoria Justice can call each other up to get off, why can't I have some fun too.
LETTERMAN:
Well. Okay. I hope you know what you're doing.
MORETZ:
Relax Dave. Let your hair down a little and have some fun.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
LETTERMAN:
I'll try to remember that. (looks at camera) ...look kids, its Chloe Grace Moretz. We'll be right back after this break.
FADE TO COMMERCIAL
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