with Elisha Ann Cuthbert
Written by hearsz
(MF, oral, sexual themes, positions)

DISCLAIMER: This FAKE interview contains graphic sexual situations and is simply a figment of my imagination. Nothing about this Q&A is real and merely created for a bit of fun. If you're under age or easily offended STOP READING NOW!! Otherwise. Enjoy.

Nationality: Canadian
Born: November 30, 1982 (30)
Hometown: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Star Sign: Sagittarius
Measurements: 34-20-32
Bra Size: 34C
Height: 5'2 (1.59m)
Hair: Blonde
Eyes: Blue
Shoe Size: 5
Favorite Sport: Ice Hockey
Nickname: Leesh

Los Angeles, California —

On the ABC comedy series "Happy Endings", actress Elisha Cuthbert (best known for her role as Kim Bauer on "24") plays Alex, an everyday normal girl who remains friends with the guy she left at the altar, on their wedding day. A year later, Alex and Dave (Zachary Knighton) are still trying to figure out just where their relationship stands, after a break-up that complicated the lives of all their mutual friends. Elisha Cuthbert has been in and out of the celebrity spotlight ever since her appearance on the show "24", playing the teen daughter (Kim) of super agent Jack Bauer, played by Kiefer Sutherland. With minor roles in "Old School" and "Love Actually", it wasn't long before Elisha broke free of the damsel in distress role when she played an ex-porn star in 2004's "The Girl Next Door". Although she rated highly in many men's "Hottest Woman in the World" magazines (FHM, Maxim) for the next few years to follow, her roles were restricted to horror flicks such as "House of Wax" and the controversial "Captivity".

But the Canadian actress' persistence and patience has paid off and in 2011, she jumped at the chance to join the main cast for "Happy Endings". The show, now into it's third season, was one of many things discussed when we sent CFF reporter "Hearsz" to Los Angeles. Interviewing Elisha whilst on the set of the successful sitcom, she opens up about her current engagement to boyfriend Dion Phaneuf, her passion for ice hockey, time in Australia shooting House of Wax with Paris Hilton, and learning all about the porn industry whilst preparing for her most famous movie role in 2004's "The Girl Next Door".

First of all Elisha, congratulations on the success of the show, how's things going for Season 3?
Really well thanks. When we first started out, we could only dream of getting through one season, let alone two! But here we are midway through a third season, it's been incredible.

Since it had been a long while when you last featured in a TV series, did you find it difficult to make the transition back into the small screen as opposed to doing movies?
I wasn't only bothered by it, I felt it was going to be like riding a bicycle - eventually it will just feel normal and natural again. The biggest challenge was how I would go with comedy, as that was something new for me.

Speaking of TV series, did you find it hard in the early days of your career to shake off the tag that people simple knew you as Jack Bauer's "hot daughter?"
(Elisha Blushes) Well thank you first of all for the "compliment," and to answer your question, yes it was challenging to begin with, considering I was in my early twenties. I wasn't able to travel home (to Canada) as frequently as I do now. So the chance to do different roles at that time was certainly something that appealed to me. Plus, having to wear the same outfit every day set for days on end takes its toll for a young female. At the time, I felt like a character on The Simpsons!

And you're first main lead role in a movie after "24" was playing Danielle, an ex-porn star in "The Girl Next Door". What did you do to prepare for the role?
Well, as you can imagine I had to watch quite a bit of porn, ya know, to get the pornstar look right. It's a hell of a transition from playing an agent's daughter to being a hugely popular porn star. But it was fun to learn about, in the sense that, what some people do in terms of role play that I'm sure gets horny males, and I'm sure females off. Plus I got to ask some real life porn stars advice and we had them on the set for particular scenes as well.

Which leads to my next question, you got to do a scene with porn favorite, Stephen St. Croix. What was that like?
He was actually really funny to work with. You would think some of these male porn stars are really up themselves, and take what they do for a living really seriously but he was always cracking jokes. Have you seen him in the "Pirates" porn movie series? He's like the Will Ferrell of porn, he's hilarious in it.

I know what you're saying. He does come across as likable bloke. And seeing as he was playing himself, did he get his gear off for that scene in the movie?
Sadly no. I'd watched some porn skits with him in it before I met him, when we did that scene. I was fascinated on how much he could make girls climax by literally doing very little. I didn't get to see his cock but you could clearly see the outline of it behind his robe. To say he was "huge" is an understatement!

Do you think it could be because of you? Or how you were dressed for the scene?
Haha well, I was playing the role of a pornstar and I was wearing just a robe. And I was naked underneath it. However I'd like to think he would jump at the chance to fuck me.

He's quite a big guy, I mean in terms of build and height, and you have a history of dating guys like that, especially those that play in the NHL (National Hockey League). I take it you're a diehard fan?
Yeah definitely. I grew up with ice hockey naturally being a Canadian. But sometimes I find myself when I'm at games, yelling at players and shouting out random things because of my passion for the game.

Random things? Such as?
You know when ice hockey players throw their sticks down and get ready to fight? I shout out, "don't be a pussy, knock his fucking head off!!"

Wow, that is intense supporting of your team!! So you're newly engaged to NHL player and Toronto captain Dion Phaneuf, but he's not exactly the first player you've dated in the league is he?
(looking away from Hearsz, Elisha hesitantly replies), well, it's well known I dated Sean Avery before I dated Dion yeah.

And how did you feel when he referred to your relationship with Phaneuf as "sloppy seconds?"
That asshole got what he deserved (Avery served a ban for his comments). Besides, I got my own back though...

Oh really? How so?
Well, when we filmed "House of Wax" in Australia, Sean and I hadn't fully committed to each other at the time because I knew I was going to be away for so long. But we promised to be faithful. However, I ended up fucking this bellboy at the place I was residing at whilst over there, and he was without doubt the greatest lay I've ever had. (Elisha says with spite, but complete seriousness).

Really, what made him "the greatest?" (I say, as though this guy was the Muhammad Ali of sex)
He just knew what he was doing in bed... and the shower, and the balcony... (Elisha looks down at the floor, almost replaying those moments in her head). Apart from the multiple orgasms I endured, he knew when to caress me softly, and knew when to give it to me nice and hard. He wasn't the biggest I've ever had, but he just knew how to use it ya'know. Good, hard passionate sweaty sex after a long day of shooting is the perfect stress release for a girl like me.

Wow, sounds like an intense session?
Have you heard of the "X-Files" position? (Hearsz shakes head) It's where the guy lays on his back and if you can imagine me sitting on your, I mean the guys dick, and I slowly shift my body weight back until I'm lying at a similar angle to him. So essentially our legs are intertwined in an X position where my thighs are wrapped around one of his whilst he's inside me. Not only can I watch him slide in and out of me, it allowed me to play with my clit at the same time.

And your climax? How was it?
It took a while, but when it eventually did, it was like the second coming of Christ between my legs! Incredible.

Way to stick it to the ex!
Absolutely! I know he (Sean) was crazy about me at the time, so he would have stayed faithful whilst I was away. Hearing all of this now, I can imagine it won't exactly be music to his ears. You can see how those comments of his have a bit of irony to them now can't you?

Yeah, I guess they do. Did you feel guilty afterwards when you returned home?
Not really, you know the rules about not cheating that they mention in the movie "Road Trip?" (Hearsz nods). Well they say it's not cheating if you're having sex with someone in different area codes. I convinced myself it was OK considering I was on the other side of the world!!!

OK. So how do you think your current beau will feel about not being your best ever bedroom partner?
Well now we're engaged, he's got the rest of my life to blow my mind in the bedroom now doesn't he.

Ha. Good point! You recently turned 30, did Dion do anything special for you?
We had a party at ours, not overly big, had plenty to drink but the real present was later on in the bedroom. He tied me up to the bed posts, blindfolded me and teased me with all sorts of things like the candle wax, ice, feathers, hot stones. But I've gotta say, he really knows how to give good head.

Sounds interesting. Tell us more!
Well whilst he went down on me, he took my clit between his lips and whilst holding it tightly, he used his tongue to try and push it out of his mouth. It was so frustrating because I couldn't move my arms but it was unlike anything I've ever felt before. The strange thing is he completely stripped me of my clothing, but left my heels on! I think he loved having them digging into his shoulders whilst he ate me out.

OK. Moving on... (Hearsz tries to catch his breath) In the movie "The Quiet," which also stars Camilla Belle, you play a daughter who is also a high school cheerleader of, shall we say a dysfunctional family. They take in a deaf relative (Belle), but on the side, the daughter, played by you is sleeping with her father. What's your thoughts on incestual relationships?
Honestly, they're pretty messed up, but the dirty part of my mind and I'm sure most people's minds can find it as a turn on. Which I can understand to a point. There's plenty of young girls I know who want to be loved and cherished not only verbally but sexually, and by an older figure. And in the case of the character, it was her own father. But sometimes, like what happens in the movie, the obsession can be taken too far.

Speaking of obsession, in the movie "Captivity," you play a model who is drugged and then taken hostage in some guys basement. Later on she is tortured and your character ends up having sex with a guy who she thinks is another hostage, but turns out to be the main villain. Do you think that kind of stuff happens in real life?
I'd like to think that it doesn't happen too often but, the writer's and director's and even us actor's must believe it can or has happened before. Otherwise that movie would never had seen the light of day. The thing with her having sex with the guy is, she feels like she has something in common with him as she believes he's going through the same problem (being taken hostage, so she thinks). It's no wonder she wants him to fuck her, she wants to forget about the position she has found herself in, and the feelings she has for him makes her incredibly horny! But you can imagine how filthy and disgusted with herself she is by the end of the film.

Just on the title of your current hit series, "Happy Endings," do you ever get people making references to it, if you know what I mean?
Oh all the time! And yes I know what you're referring to. There's even people on the set during the first season that were propositioning me for a "hand shandy." How they still have a job I'll never know. I'm not that kind of girl [anymore]. When I was rehearsing for the role of Danielle in "The Girl Next Door," my boyfriend let me practice on him as much as I required so I could get in touch with her character. I have really strong arms now thanks to him!

Do you think first time viewers might get the wrong idea of the show with a title like "Happy Endings?"
They might, until they actually watch it and see it's all about relationships and what can happen in our everyday lives. I was at a party not long ago and a guy who'd never seen the show asked me if it was anything like "The Client List"? Some people's imaginations are just amazing.

Would you ever do a role similar to the one Jennifer Love Hewitt plays in "The Client List?"
Oh. In a heartbeat! To dress in those skimpy clothes, and to wear different pieces of sexy lingerie every episode, who wouldn't? And how hot does she look in that show! She has a cracking body in it. Plus I'd let Jen rub my body down with oil without a moment's hesitation!

And request a female "Happy Ending" maybe?
Haha well, I'd be up for it certainly, but no doubt my fiance would want to watch (winks again).

Okay. Now something we like to do with all our celebs that we interview for CFF, we ask them several questions in quick succession and you have to answer with the first thing that comes to mind. Are you ready?
Go for it.

Favorite Band or Artist.
The Barenaked Ladies

Favorite movie or TV show.
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Favorite alcoholic drink.
Red wine, lately I've been drinking cab-sauv's (cabernet sauvignon)

Cats or Dogs.
Dogs, no contest

Favorite junk food.
None. I've started working out six days a week so junk food is a no-no

Well a favorite food then?
Seafood pasta

Advice to anyone wanting to become an actor/actress.
"I believe not giving up on doing things. However I was lucky (in Los Angeles). I found what I wanted to do when I was 11."

Tattoos or piercings.
Nope, none of either

Have you ever had sex with a fan?
No, but the offers seemed endless during the early part of my career.

Have you ever been with another woman?
If you're presuming I had something with Paris (Hilton), I'm sorry to disappoint you. But you might remember that I did a shoot for FHM earlier in my career with Mila Kunis. Well, I'll let your readers use their imagination there (Elisha laughs).

How many times a week do you masturbate?
Due to the work schedule lately, probably four times a week. But it was twice a day before I started filming "Happy Endings" in 2011.

Favorite sexual position.
For those who remember when Matthew was fantasizing about having sex with Danielle in TGND, then the second of the two positions shown (wink, wink) - (Click on middle pic above)

Spit or Swallow.
Spit. However, if I like the guy, like say the aforementioned one in Australia, I might just swallow to show my appreciation! (Elisha grins devilishly).

Shaved or Unshaved.
Shaved, but sometimes I like to surprise my fiance with a landing strip from time to time.

Oral sex: give or receive.
Treat a girl right and you'll get plenty in return! (winks)

Once again CFF would like to thank the delightful Elisha Cuthbert for taking time out of her busy schedule to chat with us. Series 3 of Happy Endings airs every Tuesday on 7mate, check your local guides.